So Reese is a man of many tricks, and he often manages to play pranks on me. But today the pranker was the prankee: I came up to Reese while he was sitting on the couch and kissed him passionately (sorry, mom). He responded in kind, which was exactly what I had been hoping for. You see, there’s a candy called Toxic Waste which is hailed to be the sourest candy on earth. And when I kissed Reese, I happened to have a Toxic Waste stowed in my cheek. When Reese responded to my kiss, I shoved the Toxic Waste into his mouth. He reeled away in surprise, his eyes squeezed shut, and his mouth puckered as the sour hit him full force. He hadn’t been expecting it at all and it took him a couple minutes to recover, but when he did, he was laughing. The perfect prank.
Yesterday, I had coffee with a friend. She told me how she had dropped her phone in the toilet and I asked her if she put it in rice. This was her response: “Well, you see, people put their phone in rice and the rice attracts Asian people. Then the Asian people climb into your house through your chimney and eat all your cookies and the rice and then they take your phone and fix it. But since I’m already Asian, that doesn’t work for me! So no, I did not put my phone in rice.”
My dear friend, you are hilarious!