I go to the walk-in clinic often. I’m a bit of a hypochondriac, so you could almost call me a regular. Normally, I go with invisible complaints: I’m dizzy, my tendons hurt, my neck feels stiff, etc., and I always get an older female doctor who does a brisk, matter of fact checkup and rapidly dispatches me. Today I woke up with a distinct bright red face rash and naturally, I felt that a doctor should look at my rash, so I went to the clinic. I didn’t bother to put on makeup, or put in my contacts or make sure my scarf matched my coat, bc I had a bright red face rash. And then, the young male doctor they assigned me to was HOT! To recap the situation, I went to the walk-in clinic with my first obvious physical symptom, a Tomato Face, and instead of the usual older lady doctor, I got a painfully attractive young male doctor who was personable and nice! My life is DEFINITELY a cosmic joke.
At my cousin Vela’s wedding on Saturday, my Uncle, father of the bride, was giving his speech, when suddenly things took a turn for the interesting.
“My daughter and Perry met while going to school in O-town, and there was someone very special in O-town who was the very first person in this room to meet Perry,” he began.
I thought: I’m one of the only people who Vela knew in O-town who is at this wedding. Who else in O-town got to meet Perry?
“That person,” my Uncle continued, “was my niece-”
Me: Oh. No.
“-Anna, who is here tonight. Conversely, Vela was the very first person to meet Anna’s friend, Reese, who the rest of us are meeting tonight for the very first time.”
My thoughts: AHHH!!! Why is this happening!?!
“Welcome Reese. You probably thought you could sneak in here without being subjected to any humiliation. Well, would the two of you please stand up and take a bow?”
I thought: Is this for real? This kind of thing never happens in real life.
But we did stand and bow, Reese with a bemused little smile his face, while I was red as a tomato, secretly convinced that this was the last time Reese would ever agree to come to a family thing again.
In fact, Reese showed up to family brunch the very next day, impressing us with his imperviousness to family attempts to humiliate him.
And that’s the story of how my Uncle embarrassed me in front of 120 guests at my cousin’s wedding, proving that for him, not even the father of the bride speech is sacred from the opportunity to tease his helpless niece.