The plan: Reese would bring me to the train station to catch my train at 4:35, he would then head to the airport, catch a 5:30 flight, and arrive around 6:30, giving him plenty of time to pick me up at the train station in Ottawa.
Reese’s plane was delayed until 8:00, putting his arrival time 30 minutes after mine.
Reese got moved up to a flight leaving at 6:45, allowing him to arrive before me. Plan back on.
His flight sat on the tarmac for an hour, delayed because of baggage issues.
My train stopped to let a freight train go by. The freight train unkindly decided to break down right in front of my train, delaying us by 2 hours.
A weary Reese picked up a weary me at the train station, 2 hours later than anticipated, but all according to plan.
Sitting in Tim Horton’s, eavesdropping on the conversation behind me. The people are talking about random close moments they’ve had with their friends. Then one girl bursts out “OMG there’s -insert guys name here-, he’s so cute, like the BEST friend of life, and I came home the other day and he had stacked all my teddy bears into a tour and written “I love you” at the top. And I was like, that’s soooo cute! He’s so nice!” Meanwhile, I’m sitting there listening in and thinking ‘that poor poor guy is so friendzoned!’
So Reese is a man of many tricks, and he often manages to play pranks on me. But today the pranker was the prankee: I came up to Reese while he was sitting on the couch and kissed him passionately (sorry, mom). He responded in kind, which was exactly what I had been hoping for. You see, there’s a candy called Toxic Waste which is hailed to be the sourest candy on earth. And when I kissed Reese, I happened to have a Toxic Waste stowed in my cheek. When Reese responded to my kiss, I shoved the Toxic Waste into his mouth. He reeled away in surprise, his eyes squeezed shut, and his mouth puckered as the sour hit him full force. He hadn’t been expecting it at all and it took him a couple minutes to recover, but when he did, he was laughing. The perfect prank.
The problem with having a boyfriend who likes to gesture a lot when he talks is that it makes holding hands a little tricky
At my cousin Vela’s wedding on Saturday, my Uncle, father of the bride, was giving his speech, when suddenly things took a turn for the interesting.
“My daughter and Perry met while going to school in O-town, and there was someone very special in O-town who was the very first person in this room to meet Perry,” he began.
I thought: I’m one of the only people who Vela knew in O-town who is at this wedding. Who else in O-town got to meet Perry?
“That person,” my Uncle continued, “was my niece-”
Me: Oh. No.
“-Anna, who is here tonight. Conversely, Vela was the very first person to meet Anna’s friend, Reese, who the rest of us are meeting tonight for the very first time.”
My thoughts: AHHH!!! Why is this happening!?!
“Welcome Reese. You probably thought you could sneak in here without being subjected to any humiliation. Well, would the two of you please stand up and take a bow?”
I thought: Is this for real? This kind of thing never happens in real life.
But we did stand and bow, Reese with a bemused little smile his face, while I was red as a tomato, secretly convinced that this was the last time Reese would ever agree to come to a family thing again.
In fact, Reese showed up to family brunch the very next day, impressing us with his imperviousness to family attempts to humiliate him.
And that’s the story of how my Uncle embarrassed me in front of 120 guests at my cousin’s wedding, proving that for him, not even the father of the bride speech is sacred from the opportunity to tease his helpless niece.