The Disgustingly Cheerful People
Maybe I’m more jaded than the average Joe, but the customers we had at the end of today were the most disgustingly enthusiastic people I have ever seen. They were so happy I kind of had the urge to punch them.
The woman swanned in and cried out in joy to Oliver. She was so glad that she had found this little café and she had been so delighted last time that she had returned to show her husband. Then the husband walked in and they proceeded to have an excited conversation about how the husband was Austrian and Italy and Austria were neighbours and how the husband was going to somewhere in Italy too. It’s not that I begrudge Oliver conversations like this. He loves talking about his homeland and I don’t blame him. But the whole convo was so over the top excited. I feel like even Oliver was waiting for this conversation to end. Finally, they ordered and sat down, still blabbing about how cute the restaurant was. The husband went so far as to compliment the forks . That’s right. He thought our forks were amazing. So sturdy, etc.
Then one of the doctors from the building walked in and surprise! Disgustingly cheerful wife knew him! She lept up, said “OMG!” and hugged him, exclaiming how excited she was to see him. They chatted, and the doctor ordered his food. The wife said to Oliver “This man is amazing. Give him the best possible service!”
Then, while he waited for his food, the doctor sat down with them, and asked them how they were doing. Apparently, they had just moved, because he asked them how they liked their new home, and the couple responded “We love love love it! We’re absolutely in love with it!”
They continued like this until they finished and left. They were in absolute raptures over everything. The soup was the best ever. The lasagna was the best ever. It was so ridiculous. They were just so over the top.
I asked Reese, who was sitting in the café at the time if he found them annoying too. He described them as being “like something out of a movie”. He’s right. Nobody is that enthusiastic in real life. And in spite of their enthusiasm over the restaurant being the best thing ever, they somehow failed to leave a tip.
Am I too jaded? Is my intense dislike of these people an overreaction? Does anyone else agree that they sound super annoying?
I went to toss something in the garbage can, which was sitting next to the radiator. Our radiators are a vibrant shade of mustard yellow. As I was closing the garbage lid, I noticed a spattering of dark red on the radiator. It looked almost as if someone had taken a paintbrush and shaken it at the radiator. “Was that there before?” I asked myself.
I turned to Oliver and asked “Did you see that red paint by the garbage can?”
Oliver: “Yeah, but that wasn’t there when I brought the garbage can in this morning.”
Me: “So you didn’t put it there?”
Oliver grabbed a cloth, and some Windex, and started wiping it off. As he did, he turned to me and said with a look of disgust on his face, “It’s blood.”
We started speculating, but we couldn’t figure out who or what could have caused a spattering of blood on the radiator. Barely anyone had even come in, and hardly anyone had been near the garbage can.
“I hope the CSI doesn’t come asking me why there’s blood in my café,” Oliver joked. “I hope there aren’t any severed body parts in the garbage. Check to make sure you have all your fingers!”
And that’s it. I have no answers. We never did figure out who was bleeding so much that they managed to leave a splatter of blood on our radiator. And I’m not sure I want to know.