Cafés Hate This Woman! Find Out Her Secret!

This little old lady sat in our café reading a newspaper and sipping her coffee. When she was finished, she slowly got up, folding the newspaper as she went. Then I watched as she shuffled, almost in slow motion, towards to the garbage can. Gingerly, she shoved the paper through the swinging lid into the pile of trash. I could barely suppress my laughter as she waved goodbye and tottered out.

Welp, I guess only one person got to read the newspaper today.


Do You Know What a Cappuccino is? Part II

To begin, I will acknowledge that my Batista training is lacking. Starbucks baristas would laugh at the haphazard way I was taught to make hot coffee beverages. However, in spite of this, I think I’ve got a fairly good grasp on what’s what. I’d like to think that I can tell a cappuccino from a latte and can also make them. Having said that, this is my disclaimer on the accuracy of this story. Maybe I was in the wrong.

Commence story:

This woman came in with her small daughter and ordered a cappuccino. I made it up for her, and handed it to her, without a lid. This is important to note. She put a lid on it and headed off with her daughter.

Ten minutes later, she came back and complained that her cup was only half full. I took a look in it. The foam had collapsed, of course. I went to put more milk in it (it’s not really a cappuccino then, but whatever). The lady stopped me, and said, kind of nastily, “Is it OK if I just put more coffee in it, since I doubt there was any to begin with?”

I said yes, but let it be noted that her milk was that brown colour that milk becomes when it is mixed with espresso. I don’t know what kind of milk this woman had been drinking, but she could obviously tell that there was coffee in the milk.

Now, I’ve come up with two reasonable explanations for what this woman was complaining about. One, she put a lid on her full cup herself, took it upstairs, didn’t bother drinking it, then looked inside and was like, where did the milk go! Because she doesn’t understand how foam works. Maybe she wanted a latte and asked for a cappuccino. Either way, she knew the cup was full when she got it because she put the lid on.

The second explanation is that she drank half the cup, and for some reason expected there to be half a cup’s worth of espresso at the bottom. Which isn’t normal. A shot of espresso is exactly that, a shot. When there wasn’t half a cup of espresso, she became enraged enough to return it.

I’m pretty sure this woman had no idea what a cappuccino is. Or was scamming us. Either way, Baristas everywhere, beware!





Launching Into Space

One of our semi-regulars came in and started chatting with Oliver. Now this lady is a little annoying, because she never shuts up, but normally, she seems at least sane. On this occasion, however, I began to suspect that she might be a closet conspiracy theorist. She started ranting about how she had seen a program on TV about sending people into space, and how they were going to send ALL of us to space. And she was declaring how she didn’t want to go.Then she came around to me to pay. She said, “did you hear what I was saying? You’re young. They’re going to send you first!” I sort of thought she meant that space travel would be possible, so I shook my head and said “no, I’d be too scared, I definitely wouldn’t go.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have a choice,” she announced. “You’d have to go.” All of this was said completely seriously, without a hint of smile.
Uhm, right. They’re going to spend billions of dollars to load up all the young people onto space crafts and launch us into the middle of nothing. Seems plausible.
Why do we get all the crazies?