We need to start offering bibs…

So this little old man comes in today and orders some food: a rice ball with marinara sauce and a Greek salad with dressing.

I bring him a fork and a napkin. Little old man tucks the napkin into his shirtfront like a gentleman. Unfortunately, when he comes to the counter to order an ice cream, I see that the single napkin was ineffective at preventing him from spilling food and dressing all down the front of his shirt.
I think he needed more napkins….or a bib :/


Do You Know What A Cappuccino Is?

Customer: Can I get a cappuccino? I heard your cappuccinos are really good.

We start to get it ready, when suddenly, he interprets us.

Customer: Does it have milk in it?

Oliver and I  exchange looks.

Oliver: Uh? Yes.

Customer: Oh, I can’t drink milk.  I’ll just get a coffee then.

What on earth does he think a cappuccino is??


Launching Into Space

One of our semi-regulars came in and started chatting with Oliver. Now this lady is a little annoying, because she never shuts up, but normally, she seems at least sane. On this occasion, however, I began to suspect that she might be a closet conspiracy theorist. She started ranting about how she had seen a program on TV about sending people into space, and how they were going to send ALL of us to space. And she was declaring how she didn’t want to go.Then she came around to me to pay. She said, “did you hear what I was saying? You’re young. They’re going to send you first!” I sort of thought she meant that space travel would be possible, so I shook my head and said “no, I’d be too scared, I definitely wouldn’t go.”
“Well, you wouldn’t have a choice,” she announced. “You’d have to go.” All of this was said completely seriously, without a hint of smile.
Uhm, right. They’re going to spend billions of dollars to load up all the young people onto space crafts and launch us into the middle of nothing. Seems plausible.
Why do we get all the crazies?


The Begging Hobbit

Should you ever find yourself at the medical building of Café Italia and a grizzled old man asks you to buy him a meal, fight the urge to display kindness and say no.
You see, this old man used to order a coffee, sit in Café Italia, and ask every passing customer for money. Finally, Oliver told him he wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. So the old man switched tactics. Yesterday I watched him smooth talk someone into buying him a sandwich for breakfast. After he had left, Oliver told me that was his THIRD free breakfast that morning. Not only that, but he can afford to buy food for himself. He’s paid for himself before.
Obviously his three breakfasts didn’t fill him, because he returned in the afternoon to con a nice girl into buying him a hot dog. Then he convinced another lady to buy him a turkey wrap.
So I repeat: if you meet a grizzled old man at our medical building who tells you some story about how he was in the army, and asks you to buy him breakfast, say no and save your change for someone who doesn’t eat like a Hobbit.