Parlez-Vous Français?

I live on the Ontario-Quebec border, so we have a fair few francophones kicking around. Most francophones speak some English, but some don’t. The ATM in our cafe happens to be owned by a francophone who speaks barely a word of English.

Today, he showed up, like he does once a month, to check the cash box and add money to the ATM if needed. I made up my mind that when he left, I would use my limited french to say goodbye. I feel like people usually appreciate it when you try to speak to them in their own language.

So when he finished, he started heading out the door as usual, and said, “Bye Bye!”

I responded, “Bonne journée!” (good day)

I guess my fake accent was too convincing, because he gave me a surprised look and then started speaking to me in French!! He said “Something something something.”

I gave him a deer in a headlights look, and said “mhmm?”

And he kept going! “Something something something. Il ne functionne pas.” and he gestured to the ATM.

I understood the last part, and thought, oh no! He just told me something doesn’t work, but I don’t know what that something is! So I desperately responded, “Oh really?” hoping he’d get the hint and try to respond in English.

Instead, he continued, “Something something something,” while I just stared at him, wide eyed and panicked. Then he concluded, “Mais tous est bon/bien. Au revoir!” (everything is fine. Goodbye!)

Heaving a huge sigh of relief, I waved goodbye. “Merci!” (thanks!)

I guess next time, I’ll try to sound more anglophone when I try to speak to someone in French, so they know I actually know nothing.


We need to start offering bibs…

So this little old man comes in today and orders some food: a rice ball with marinara sauce and a Greek salad with dressing.

I bring him a fork and a napkin. Little old man tucks the napkin into his shirtfront like a gentleman. Unfortunately, when he comes to the counter to order an ice cream, I see that the single napkin was ineffective at preventing him from spilling food and dressing all down the front of his shirt.
I think he needed more napkins….or a bib :/


Putting on Socks

Our oldest regular, a spry 90 year old, was in today. With her eagle sharp eyes, she noticed from across the room that I was wearing mismatched socks (and they were ankle socks too, so barely visible).

After calling me on it, she decided to have some fun.

90: Anna, come here!

Me: yeah, what’s up?

90: what time did you get up this morning

Me: 10, why?

90: Are you sure you didn’t get up at midnight? Are you sure you didn’t grope around blindly in the dark? Are you sure you were fully awake when you put on those socks?

Cheeky! Regulars like her make the job a little brighter :)


Cafés Hate This Woman! Find Out Her Secret!

This little old lady sat in our café reading a newspaper and sipping her coffee. When she was finished, she slowly got up, folding the newspaper as she went. Then I watched as she shuffled, almost in slow motion, towards to the garbage can. Gingerly, she shoved the paper through the swinging lid into the pile of trash. I could barely suppress my laughter as she waved goodbye and tottered out.

Welp, I guess only one person got to read the newspaper today.